A Random Adventure
by Nashiil
Summary: Yuna and her guradians are returning to Besaid, and Tidus decides to take a little revenge on Auron. Let the battle begin!
1. Macalania Woods

Title: A Random Adventure

Setting: Yuna and her guardians are returning to Besaid after attending a ceremony celebrating the induction of the newest junior monks at Macalania Temple. They have decided to rest at the Spring in the woods.

**Macalania Woods **- Early evening. Everyone is helping to set up camp.

Auron leaned out over the water, praying that the log he was precariously balanced on would hold his weight. It creaked alarmingly as he lowered the clay jar into the gem-lit water below him. He looked around, with the paranoia that comes from a life of being ambushed by fiends and hunted by summoners drawn to the scent of the unsent. The animals!

Scanning the surface of the Spring revealed nothing out of the ordinary, and with a grunt, he turned his full concentration on not falling into the water ( a mistake repeated throughout history by many extinct species of small animals). But the feeling persisted and he nearly yelped aloud as something alighted on his hand. It was only a leaf, fallen from one of the many trees surrounding the Spring. _Get a grip, there's nothing out there!_ He admonished himself as he glanced around to see if the others had noticed. No, his pride was safe. They were all preparing camp. He went back to filling his jug, ignoring the uncomfortable feeling of predatory eyes watching him.

Auron _was _being watched. Far below the surface of the water, hidden by the multiple reflections of the glowing lights, something evil lurked. It waited; silently gliding closer to the man suspended over the water. It watched, waiting for the perfect moment to strike…

"Hey, Kimahri," Wakka said as he struggled to light a fire. The sparks just did not seem to want to stick to the logs. "Have you seen Tidus? I thought he went with you to bring wood." Kimahri Ronso shook his head and replied in his rumbling voice. "No. Little human not return with Kimahri."

"Oh! What if fiends got him?" Rikku cried, with a nervous glance at the dark woods. " We have to find him!"

"I don't think fiends got him." Wakka said quickly, seeing Yuna's frightened look. "We would have heard him scream, ya? Besides," he continued, still trying to light a fire. " He was armed, and the fiends here are pushoversWauuhhh!" Here, two things happened simultaneously. Lulu, having tired of watching Wakka struggle to do something as simple as lighting a fire, did it herself, with Fira. Wakka fell back with a yelp, while at the same time, Auron looked over his shoulder to see what the yelling was about.

…The watcher struck. The calm surface of the Spring boiled up as something erupted from its depths. Auron disappeared under the water before he could make a sound, which is how most monsters prefer to take their prey. Rikku and Yuna both screamed "Fiends!"

The remaining guardians clustered protectively around Yuna as something broke the surface of the Spring, sputtering and coughing. They watched, confused, as Tidus set the Spira world speed record for the frog stroke. A fraction of a second later Auron exploded to the surface of the spring, coughing and sputtering, murder in his eye.

Tidus floundered to the bank, water spraying in all directions and hauled himself out. Snickering wildly, he stumbled towards Yuna, his arms thrashing the air in a vain attempt to aid his legs in forward motion. Yuna stood dumbfounded as Tidus flailed around behind her in a shower of water and peered over her shoulder.

Seething, Auron squelched up to Yuna and turned a burning eye, his only one, on Tidus. "We have time for pranks, do we?" he growled quietly, sending a shiver up Tidus' spine. Suddenly the joke did not seem all that funny anymore. "Leave him alone Auron!" Rikku said, joining Yuna in Tidus' defense. Auron stared at him a moment more, an unreadable expression shadowing his face. Even Rikku cringed a little.

"That was pay back for what you did to me at the Temple!" Tidus retorted, safe behind Yuna _and_ Rikku. Being cute had its advantages. This is true. Females will protect anything they perceive as cute. The cuter it is, the more fiercely they will defend it. Auron 'harrumphed' and replied, " _That _was not a prank." Kimahri made a sound that could have been a laugh, Wakka made a strange sounding cough, and Lulu just out right chuckled.

Tidus paled, then blushed to his toes, and shouted " You _pantsed _me in front of _everyone _at the Blessing reception!" he could have sworn Auron smiled then, but he was not sure, not with that big collar covering the lower half of his face.

"You deserved it. You were _dancing _on the table! What are people going to think of Yuna if they see one of her guardians acting like a fool?"

"People saw my butt!"

" It was a nice butt…" Rikku interjected.

" Mostly males saw Tidus' rump."

"They saw more than just your butt, ya?"

Tidus' brain hit the mental brakes as Realization jumped out onto the road of Thought like a frightened deer of Truth. The half shirt he was wearing really did not cover much. He suddenly felt sick.

"No wonder people screamed." Auron commented, his voice tinged with amusement. Tidus scowled. Auron smirked as he turned on his heel and walked away, leaving Yuna and Rikku to console Tidus.

* * *

My very first fanfic! I'm new to this kind of thing, so please, please, PLEASE, review it! Send me your comments, or complaints. I really want to know your oppinion! Plus, please keep reading. I know there are a lot of chapters, but it gets better, I promise!

Nashiil


	2. Thunder Plains

**Thunder Plains **- Morning. The travelers are just leaving the woods. It is raining as usual.

"Great! The Thunder Plains." Rikku whimpered as the tower-studded landscape came into view between the trees. Lightning flashed overhead and thunder rolled behind it, sweeping through the clouds. Rikku kept one eye on the sky as she huddled behind Yuna, who patted her soothingly and murmured quiet words of comfort. "Bah!" Wakka snorted confidently. "We've crossed the Plains before, Rikku. It's no big deal, ya? We'll all go together, and stick close to the towers. Just don't walk too close to Kimahri and you'll be fine." He gave her a wink and pantomimed a horn.

Rikku smiled wanly, but did not relax her death-grip on Yuna's arm. Yuna hid her smile behind her hand as Kimahri frowned at Wakka's joke, his fur standing on end like an affronted cat's.

"Wakka's right, Rikku," Tidus piped in cheerfully. " With all the towers around all we have to worry about are any stray bolts. But those will be easy to dodge!" he added quickly as Rikku's skin took on a grayish cast. "Look, I'll show you!" he said as he dashed out into the rain.

"See?" he said, spreading his arms and turning to face the group huddled under the trees. "Nothing to worry about!" Tidus' motivational speech, along with Rikku's confidence was shattered as a bolt of lightning ripped through the sky. Rikku and Yuna both screamed and covered their ears. Tidus gasped and jumped aside, neatly dodging the bolt. He recovered quickly, however, and grinning hugely at his victory, turned to his friends. "There! No problem!"

Auron groaned inwardly as the blond began dancing around in the rain and yelling at the sky, shouting nonsense and taunting the lightning. He wondered what Yuna saw in the young man, who at the moment was acting like a total idiot. Yuna was smiling shyly and laughing at Tidus' antics. Even Rikku was giggling a little. He shrugged the question away, coming to the conclusion that love really was blind. And deaf. A near inaudible mutter caught his attention. Auron glanced at Lulu, who was standing next to Kimahri. The black mage was watching all the arm waving and shouting with a look of mild irritation on her face. Auron felt his own irritation flare, and caught himself almost wishing that a bolt of lighting _would _strike Tidus. That would just make Auron's day.

It did.

Wakka had just left the sheltering branches of the trees, hoping to help lure Rikku out, when another bolt of lightning struck at Tidus. Tidus yelped and began frantically dodging as bolt after bolt stabbed uncomfortably close to him. Rikku and Yuna screamed in horror as they watched the young blitzer desperately trying to avoid the lightning in an almost comic dance. Wakka and Kimahri were both shouting something at Tidus, which was a waste of breath since it could not be heard over the crack of lightning or the boy's screams. Lulu stood by impassively, her face carefully blank.

Auron gazed up at the sky and praised Yevon.

The lightning finally subsided, leaving a wide-eyed, shaken Tidus standing amidst a circle of blackened earth. Wakka and Kimahri plodded reluctantly after Yuna as she rushed to Tidus, Wakka dragging Rikku along.

"Must be all the metal he's wearing." Lulu commented dryly as she cast Reflect on the party. Auron gave her a penetrating look, and saw a near invisible smile as she said "Shall we?" and stepped out into the rain.

The party followed Lulu, walking quickly. Auron got a certain amount of grim amusement at seeing Tidus jump at every flash of lightning and rumble of thunder; he could almost hear the boy's bones rattling. Rikku seemed less frightened with Lulu's Reflect spell on her, jumping only at the really loud thunder, but Auron noticed that she gave Kimahri a wide berth. In fact, everyone did. Kimahri either did not realize this, or if he did, he did not care.

Auron frowned as he realized that his fun had turned sour, in fact it had curdled to the consistency of cottage cheese. Yuna and a braver Rikku were walking close to Tidus; Yuna walked arm-in-arm with him. Auron maneuvered close to Kimahri and nudged the Ronso. Kimahri looked down at the warrior who nodded in the direction of Yuna. Kimahri followed his line of sight, and did not like what he saw. For a moment Auron felt guilty as hulking Kimahri stalked over to Tidus. He had pulled Tidus from his time and dropped him in the future where his father turned out to be Sin. He admired his boundless energy and determination, and he had grown to be a good warrior. However, when he thought about his endless cheerfulness the guilty feeling quickly vanished. He chuckled to himself as Kimahri loomed behind Tidus, shadowing him and making him very uncomfortable. Even during their stay in the Travel Agency, Tidus could look over his shoulder and see Kimahri standing and watching him with an intense glare. Tidus had even woken up once during the night to see Kimahri, illuminated eerily by the lightning flashes, standing over him. The sight was quite disturbing to say the least.

Tidus endured his hulking shadow until the party was nearly to the entrance to Guadosalam, at which point, he had enough. Letting Yuna and Rikku continue ahead, he turned and faced the Ronso. "Now what?" He demanded, tipping his head back to look eye to eye with Kimahri. The big humanoid growled like thunder.

"Kimahri not like little human hanging on Yuna!"

Tidus regarded him for a moment, the gears in his head clicking away at a high rate of speed. His eyes flashed merrily after a moment more, and a big grin split his face. "Awww," he said teasingly as he playfully elbowed Kimahri in the ribs. "Don't worry, big guy. I'm just a lowly Guardian, and Yuna is a High Summoner. It wouldn't work out for either one of us. Besides, I'll bet you like your girls a little hairierUulp!"

Tidus found himself jerked off the ground at a frightening speed. His legs kicked ineffectively at the air as he twisted slowly, suspended from one of Kimahri's strong hands, which held him fast by the back of his shirt. Tidus realized that resistance was futile, and gave up his struggles to dangle limply in the Ronso's grasp.

"Little guardian _not _insult Yuna! Remember Temple Blessing. Kimahri rip off more than Tidus' pants! Understand?" he snarled, giving Tidus a little shake to emphasize his threat. Tidus' face drained of all color and he nodded his head so fast that his teeth clicked together. Kimahri briefly entertained the idea of hanging the boy from one of the lightning towers. No, that would have made Yuna sad. Kimahri hated to see Yuna sad. With one last snarl, the broken horned Kimahri dropped Tidus and fastidiously wiped his hand on his loincloth. He turned his back on him, and with a flick of his tail, left Tidus in the mud and trotted off to rejoin the party. "And I thought defeating Sin would make my life easier!" Tidus grumbled.


	3. Guadosalam

**Guadosalam** - Noon. Yuna and company are taking a lunch break.

"I didn't think we'd ever get out of the Thunder Plains!" Tidus exclaimed, around a mouthful of fish. Lulu smiled into her cup of tea and Auron's shoulders shook suspiciously. "Too much lightning?" He asked with barely contained mirth.

"I've never seen a storm like that." Yuna said, a small pondering frown on her face.

"It was very odd."

Auron grunted, "_Very_ odd indeed." Lulu giggled into her tea and quickly said. "I never knew you were such a talented dancer, Tidus."

"Traitor!" Tidus muttered as Yuna giggled along with everyone else.

"Tidus very quick, like small lemming." Kimahri remarked, giving Tidus a friendly slap (and a fresh bruise) on the shoulder.

"You know," Yuna said, cleaning up the remains of her lunch. "I heard from the Senior monk that the Farplane has become unstable since we defeated Sin. Should we look into it?" There was an awkward silence for a moment and everyone looked at Auron . "Don't let me stop you." He rumbled, taking a draught from his sake jar.

"Maybe some other time." Rikku said with false indifference and a nervous giggle. "But what if it's a danger to others, you know?" Wakka pondered. "What if fiends pour out and …"

"Just drop it Wakka." Tidus said, suddenly solemn. Auron rolled his eye over the rim of his glasses. Yep. The boy was looking at him with that sad puppy face.

"Stop it. I don't need any of your pity."

"…." Tidus frowned and the arguing stopped. Auron rose and straightened his robe. "I can take care of myself. Lets get going."

"Stubborn old man." Tidus murmured as Auron stalked out of the Inn. "He doesn't want us to feel like we have to protect him or feel sorry for him, ya?" Wakka said ruffling Tidus hair.

"Ya." Tidus replied, twitching a smile.

"Here we go." Yuna said moving up the steps. She had suggested that Auron stand guard at the bottom of the steps, just incase anything got past them. Of course, he had seen right through her attempt to keep him out of danger. He had smiled and _stayed_ at the bottom of the stairs, which surprised the back up argument right out of her. "That was too easy, ya?" Wakka whispered to Lulu, with a backward glance down the stairs. Lulu nodded and entered the Farplane.

"So many pyre-flies." Yuna gasped as thousands swarmed energetically around them. "They seem agitated Ack!" Tidus stumbled backwards as Seymour suddenly appeared in front of him. "Alright," He demanded "Who was thinking about Seymour?" Everyone looked at Yuna. She gasped indignantly "It wasn't me!"

"Sorry," Rikku said meekly. "They kinda go together. You can't think about the creepy Farplane without thinking about creepy Seymour." Wakka rolled his eyes, Tidus shook his head, Lulu and Yuna both groaned, and Kimahri remained silent.

"Lets get on with this." Lulu sighed in exasperation, turning to continue on. She stopped short and choked on a yelp as she was confronted with Auron. "Alright," She called over her shoulder in irritation. "Who was thinking about the old guy?"

"It's me." Auron stalked past Lulu who sputtered in embarrassment. She turned, slack-jawed as everyone snickered. "I told you it was too easy, Lu." Wakka said with a sigh as Auron rejoined the group.

Pyre-flies swarmed angrily around them, their small comet-like forms whizzing and darting. There was none of the gentle meandering wafting that they usually displayed. Auron grunted and fell to one knee, pyre-flies leaving his body.

"Auron!" Yuna cried, drawing everyone's attention. Tidus and Kimahri, being closest, lifted him to his feet (Although Tidus was mostly a bystander as Kimahri lifted him one handed). "Come on old man, pull yourself together. You're falling apart…er, drifting away." Auron rolled his eye at the boy as the pyre-flies massed a few feet away from them. Auron grunted and glared at the pyre-flies. After a few moments he became a little more solid and shook off Kimahri's helping hand. Odd, the unsent guardian thought. Something was different; wrong. But what?"

Auron suddenly realized that everyone was looking at him, and he got the impression that they were trying not to laugh. He looked down at himself. Ah. That was it. Auron's pants were gone, replaced instead by a skimpy pair of shorts, which did nothing to cover his manly legs. "I know that was you," he snarled, pointing an accusing finger at Tidus, who was trying to look innocent. "Ummm…nice legs?" he replied, shaking with retained laughter. Auron heard Rikku giggle. He looked down at himself again, dreading what he might see. "It's not my color." he commented dryly as he scowled at he blue lacy dress he was wearing. "And blond hair doesn't suit me." he added as knee-length hair cascaded over his shoulders. "And _those _just don't belong." he snarled. "Look!" Tidus crowed "Auron has knockers!"

"Hey, " Rikku giggled "That looks much better!" She burst into fits of giggles with Yuna and Lulu. Tidus outright guffawed, and Kimahri made the chuffing sound that did him for a laugh. "Hey, what about this, guys?" Tidus asked between gasps as Auron acquired a pair of bandy-kneed Hypello legs.

Auron stood fuming as the Spawn of Jecht took full advantage of his status as Unsent. It was the one thing he had hoped that they would never figure out : The pyre-flies could be used to manipulate his appearance. It sucked, but it was true.

Auron suddenly felt a lot colder for some reason. A reason that rapidly became hideously clear as Yuna and Rikku screamed and covered their faces, Kimahri leaping to shield them from the terrible sight. Lulu quickly turned her back while Wakka doubled over laughing and Tidus whistled tauntingly. All of Auron's clothes were gone, leaving only his sake jar hanging in a strategic place. Tidus gave Wakka a high-five and collapsed on the ground, laughing. "I couldn't resist!" Wakka crowed, holding his sides.

"_ENOUGH!"_

Auron took control of his form as the last echoes bounced into silence. "Now," he said as he straightened this coat, letting his burning gaze sweep over his companions, all of them at least having the decency to look ashamed. "If you are all finished making a chocobo's rear out of medon't even _think_ about it!" he said to Tidus, who whistled quietly to himself and suddenly found the sky profoundly interesting. "As I was saying, let's do what we came here to do: Make sure this place is safe."

Later, Auron realized that perhaps they all should have just left. Maybe he should not have reminded them why they were there. No sooner than he had reminded the group of the purpose of their visit to the Farplane, than the fiends had appeared. And of course they had to be the biggest, scariest ones. One Spectral Keeper, a Yunalesca( in all three forms, of course), a Behemoth King, one Braska's Ultimate Summon, twonot one, but twoEvraes, and a giant cat.( courtesy of Tidus)

This last fiend proved extremely difficult to defeat. This was due to the fact that Tidus kept 'adding' to it, as his imagination went on a dangerous "What if.." spree. It did not help matters when Tidus helpfully suggested that Yuna summon Valefor. Auron could have throttled him right then and there, forget the fiend. Poor Valefor looked sufficiently like a bird, and Giant Cat had chased her all over the Farplane. Yuna's quick thinking was the only thing that saved the Aeon from becoming a Giant Cat snack. Ifrit was a much more effective choice.

Once all of the fiends were taken care of, the exhausted party relaxed. "Don't anybody even _think _about thinking!" Wakka said quickly, pointing to Tidus. "Especially _you_!"

Tidus shook his head solemnly and replied "Don't worry. My mind's a blank_Owwwww_!" Tidus rubbed his skull where an irate Valefor had just landed a sharp peck. "I…she…she _bit_ me!" he exclaimed as the Aeon was dismissed. "I'd bite you too." was all Auron said as he turned to lead the companions out of the Farplane. Tidus grumbled and rubbed the back of his head where Valefor had bitten him. Okay, so maybe he _had_ deserved that. Poor Valefor did look an awful lot like a bird.


	4. Moonflow

**Moonflow, North Bank** - Yuna and company have just arrived at the shoopuf ferry. It is early morning

Tidus plodded along in a daze, supported on either side by two beautiful women, whose names escaped him at he moment. He absently rubbed the back of his head where it still ached. Two days ago, the party had left Guadosalam, and began the journey to Moonflow. Tidus had occupied his time by telling Rikku, Yuna, and anyone who would listen, stories about Zanarkand. When he was not talking, he was busy being trying to get Yuna's attention. By the end of the first day, even the easy-going Wakka was running out of patience. That night Tidus had asked Yuna if she had liked kissing Seymour, or him. For some reason, this question upset Yuna. So, he asked her about the night at the Spring. Auron's hand connected with the back of his head in a slap that sent his hair flying. "Ouuuuch!"

"Keep your stupidity to yourself!"

"Hey, I was !"

_Slap!_

"I was just!"

_Slap!_

"I'm…gonna shut up now." Tidus mumbled cautiously, incase this was the wrong answer. When no Hand of Justice appeared to smite him, he moved to sit in a safer place, namely next to Rikku, who, according to his sympathy radar, was the perfect choice.

The next day was no better. Lulu had given Tidus a Look when he tried to start a conversation with her, and Kimahri had growled at him, so he had hung back with Rikku and Yuna, who where much more friendly. Yuna having forgiven him.

Auron and Wakka walked ahead of the group, Lulu close behind them. Wakka groaned as the cries of "Look at me!", "Look what I can do!", and "Hey girls, watch this!" started up again. "Does he have an 'off' switch?" Wakka complained. "I could call up another freak thunder storm." Lulu graciously offered. "Don't get me wrong. I like the kid and everything, but he just keeps going!"

"He does tend to over do things." Auron said.

"Jeez, I'm almost afraid to turn around." Wakka said as Tidus got ready for another stunt.

"Sweet Yevon!" Lulu gasped. "He's going to do a Jecth shot on dry land! He's going to kill himself." She turned to Auron and Wakka in horror. Both men exchanged glances and Auron said quietly, "Lets get a little closer. I don't want to miss this."

Lulu looked beseeching at the sky, silently asking Yevon why she was being tormented, as the guys turned to watch the spectacle.

"Kimahri says 50 gil, small one _breaks_ head."

"Okay," Wakka said. "50 gil that he makes the shot _and_ survives, ya? What about you Auron?" The veteran guardian was silent for a moment. "50 gil that he makes it and lives, but he makes a shoopuf's rear of himself." Satisfied with their bets, the three of them watched with renewed interest as Tidus proceeded with his trick.

Tidus jumped into the air, spinning like a top, and lashed out at the blitz ball. The shot went wonderfully and Tidus made an Olympic level landing, grinning as the blitz ball flew through the air. The grin was replaced by a grimace and terrified gulp as the ball flew right into the big blue Ronso's face, snapping his head back. Yuna and Rikku paused in mid-clap and stared at Kimarhi as his eyes blazed red. By the time Yuna and Rikku looked back at Tidus, he was kicking up a nice trail of dust.

Kimahri snarled, scooping up the blitz ball and stuffing it into his mouth, he charged on all fours after the blond boy. Tidus let out a satisfying 'eep' and put on a final burst of speed. Gaining rapidly, Kimahri reared up and tossed the ball into the air. When it came down he slammed his large fist into with all his might, sending it screaming right for Tidus. "Here we go." Auron said, sounding excited as the ball rocketed into the back of Tidus' head. Yuna gasped in horror and glared at Auron, as the ball struck Tidus and knocked him off his feet. "Oh Yevon, he killed him!" Rikku shrieked. Auron nodded and Wakka handed him 50 gil, then slowly followed Yuna and Rikku as they ran to where Tidus lay motionless. He still needed to collect from the Ronso.

As punishment, Yuna commanded Kimahri to carry Tidus. She would have used a curative on him, but Auron had quickly pointed out that they were low on Mana and Potions.

Auron sighed in exasperation and glanced sourly over his shoulder at Kimahri. Tidus, hanging around his neck by and arm and a leg like an ugly boa, had finally come around and was complaining about everything. The sun was to bright, the light hurt his eyes, Kimahri smelled, the sounds were to loud, his head hurt, and so on. Kimahri looked down at Auron. "You want Kimahri to hit again?" Wakka looked at Auron with a hopeful expression. "Kimahri," Yuna chided, "Don't joke around like that."

"Kimahri try." He rumbled apologetically to Wakka as Yuna fell back from the lead to walk beside Tidus and ask how he felt. This brought on another barrage of whining. "We're almost there." Yuna soothed, patting his arm. "I'll ask Auron if we can take another break soon." She jogged ahead to catch up with Auron and everyone took a break. A few hours later, they were back on the road, marching along in silence. Yuna, walking a little behind Wakka, who had taken the lead, stumbled over a tree root snaking across the path. Without thinking, Kimahri dumped his burden on the ground and ran to put a steadying arm under Yuna's hand. Tidus groaned as Auron and Lulu lifted him to his feet while Rikku hovered around anxiously. He muttered something in a slurred, dreamy voice. "What?" Lulu asked, looking to Auron.

"I think he said 'knockers'" Auron replied.

Tidus giggled.

"Whatever that means." Lulu said, handing Tidus over to Rikku.

"It must be some Zanarkand word, ya?" Wakka said, coming over see if Tidus was alright.

"Sure…" Auron said uncomfortably, knowing full well what the Zanarkand word was for. "Uh…Lets get going.

And so after a night spent by the road they arrived at the Moonflow, stumbling onto the platform of the shoopuf ferry. "Phew!" Wakka gasped, waving a hand in front of his nose. "That thing stinks!" He looked around at his companions in confusion as they snickered and hurried towards the shoopuf. "What? What? What's up with all of y..ewwwww!" Shoopuf poop!" He frantically dragged his foot , smearing the still warm manure around the platform.

"Hurry up, Wakka." Auron called from the elevation platform, still chuckling.

"Please. Stay on that side." Lulu said, pushing Wakka towards the opposite end of the ferry. Auron looked at Kimahri, who stood beside him, supporting a limp Tidus. "What's taking them so long?" he asked in regards to Yuna and Rikku, who had gone to the Item Shop as soon as the party had entered the Moonflow. The big Ronso shrugged, then glowered as the Hypello operator approached, waving a webbed hand to get their attention.

"Be careful on Mushroom Rock Road, if yoo ish going that way." he said "The road ish crowded becaush of an inveshtigation."

"What investigation?" Wakka asked, glancing at his companions, all of whom had the same questions in their eyes. The Hypello lowered the boarding platform for Yuna and Rikku, and responded "The Crushadors found what looksh like a cave hidden near their headquartersh. They are looking into itwhat did he shay?" the blue creature inquired in regards to Tidus' mumble."

"It sounded like 'Den of Hoes" Wakka replied uncertainly.

"What's that?" Lulu asked.

"I don't know, never heard of it." Wakka shrugged dismissively.

"Let's get going, then." Auron said as Yuna and Rikku climbed aboard. Rikku threw an Al Bhed potion on Tidus, who was soon as good as new.

**Moonflow, South Bank **- Yuna and Company have just disembarked.

"Well, that wasn't so bad." Rikku commented as she and Lulu stepped off the platform, Yuna beside her. "At least not for us." she added as she looked over her shoulder at Kimahri, whose fur was matted with whatever had been in Wakka's stomach. The Ronso did not wait for the lift to reach the shoopuf's back, he just leapt down, nearly landing on top of Tidus, who squeaked and fell into Wakka, who blew chunks on both of them. Auron emerged unscathed, at least until Tidus, in a bit of petty revenge, tackled Auron and gave him a big, messy hug.

"Boys," Lulu said disgust, and with a flip of her hair left the shoopuf terminal, the Summoner and Rikku in tow.


	5. Mushroom Rock Road

**Mushroom Rock Road** - It is noon. The party is just sitting down for lunch at the side of the road, close to the cliff.

"Hey, Wakka," Tidus said, grinning malevolently as he held out a piece of dried fruit, ignoring the warning look Auron shot him. "Want some food?"

Wakka glared at Tidus from where he sat next to Yuna and Lulu. Auron muttered something that sounded like 'stupid' as Tidus shrugged and made a show out of eating the fruit that would have made a Priest of Yevon blush. He also chewed with his mouth open, which was just plain nasty. Auron put a stop to the whole show the moment things started to get out of hand. The fruit began wandering to areas of the body that it had no business being in. Fruit was just not meant for that purpose. A quick slap with Darktouch, ended the scene in a surprisingly efficient manner. Tidus yelped, and dropping the ill used fruit on the ground, stumbled around with a little black cloud floating around his head.

"Over here!" Wakka called, moving just out of reach as Tidus turned towards the sound of his voice. Wakka and Kimahri led Tidus around for a while, calling out helpful hints like 'No, this way!', 'More to the left!', and 'No, the other way!'.

"Come on, guys!" Tidus pleaded, waving his arms about as the voices stopped, leaving him completely in the dark. He listened hard, trying to catch the slightest sound, but to no avail. "Hey, this isn't funny. Just you wait 'till this spell wears off!" he grumbled as he flailed around, trying to remember where the edge of the cliff was.

"I'm gonna!"

Tidus tripped over Lulu with a yelp. Laughter erupted from the party as he fell on top of the black mage, who hissed in indignation and tried to shove Tidus off. Hands flailing about, Tidus tried to find solid ground, stammering apologies as he groped around. That was _way_ to squishy to be the ground! His vision cleared as hands lifted him off of Lulu, who had to be physically restrained and reminded that Tidus was one of Yuna's guardians. She was just barely dissuaded from burning him to a crisp.

Tidus took great pains to avoid the black mage for the rest of the day. The party traveled in silence for a time. It did not last long. Just when Auron thought that the rest of he trip was going to be a quiet one, Tidus found another way to amuse himself. The call of a seagull rang harshly in the air and bounced crazily off the cliff face.

Auron groaned as he saw Tidus take a deep breath. Here it comes he thought with dread. Tidus opened his mouth.

"_CAWWWWwwwwww!_"

Everyone jumped as the sound echoed around them, then faded after a few repetitions. Wakka and Rikku laughed, while Yuna giggled. For one moment, Auron thought that that was the end of it, but he was wrong. Encouraged by the attention, Tidus began shrieking whatever came to mind. Soon Wakka and Rikku were doing it too.

"_ECHO!…ECHO!…Echo!"_

" CHHHOOOCCCOOBO!…bo!…bo!"

"_OOOOOOOO!…oooo!..oo!_"

Other words and phrases followed, some less tasteful than others, but those ones seemed to echo the longest, and the loudest. "I just hope no one else is walking around here within earshot." Auron commented to Lulu and Kimahri (the only other sane ones, in Auron's opinion) as the word 'Knockers!' rent the air. Auron leaned against the cliff face wished he could die, again. He wondered, for a brief moment, if perhaps he was not Unsent. Perhaps he had died and was trapped in Hell; doomed to wander Spira forever in the company of idiots.

Yep. He was definitely in Hell. Tidus, laughing wildly, was shrieking 'Kockers' at the top of his lungs. Auron noticed that Lulu's red eyes had narrowed dangerously, and that Kimahri had taken a Ronso sized step away from her. "I think, " she snapped quietly as Tidus showed Wakka how to echo entire sentences revolving around knockers. "That he needs to cool off!"

Garbled yelps echoed along the road in a way that warmed Auron's heart as Lulu doused Tidus _and_ Wakka with Waterga. The water rushed over the two figures, who danced and swore in a futile attempt to avoid the attack. The water left as quickly as it had come, leaving the two young men dripping wet.

"Ahhh, Lu! What did you do that for?" Wakka said plaintively as he wiped the water from his face. He continued arguing with Lulu as the group began moving towards the tunnel leading to the Mi'hen Highroad. Tidus sputtered and ran to catch up, shaking himself like a dog to shed the water and getting a giggle out of Yuna. Auron shook his head as he marveled at how Tidus always seemed to turn things to his advantage.


	6. Mi'ihen Highroad

**Mi'ihen Highroad** - It is early afternoon and the party has just entered the road. Auron is renting some chocobos to make the trip as short as possible.

"Kewh! Kewh!" Tidus called to the chocobos standing in the pen. Of course the chocobos answered. Kimahri snorted and looked at Lulu. Lulu smiled. "He does look rather ridiculous." She said with an amused smile.

"Tidus act like Ronso child."

"Maybe that's why Yuna likes him. She is very fond of children."

"He sure acts enough like one." Auron grunted, joining Lulu and the Ronso after paying for the chocobos. He watched as Tidus dragged Yuna into the chocobo pen and began imitating their odd calls. Yuna laughed as Tidus soon had all the chocobos gathered around them, calling and shuffling. "They're massing!" Rikku giggled to Wakka as they leaned on the fence and watched Tidus begin bobbing his head at the group of birds.

"Look, Yuna! I think they like me!" He said, the chocobos pecking at his clothes and fluffing their wings. "They are very friendly." Yuna replied, scratching the feathery crests of the birds. "Nice chocobos." Tidus laughed, imitating the strange whistling they began making and bobbing his head. Yuna laughed suddenly as the chocobos began preening his hair and clothes. She ducked out of the group and snickered along with Wakka and Rikku. "Looks like they chose you as a mate." Auron chuckled.

"Yeah, I have a way with the ladies." Tidus said cockily.

"Yeah, too bad those are all males, eh?" Wakka remarked.

Laughter broke out among the group as Tidus paled and shifted uncomfortably amidst the sea of yellow feathers surging around him. Lulu selected a chocobo and mounted, glancing impatiently at her friends from atop her ride. Tidus shifted from foot to foot, procrastinating while the others picked their chocobos. "Hurry up." Auron sighed impatiently from his chocobo's back. "What's wrong, now?" he asked as the boy began to fidget.

"There aren't any…girl…chocobos, are there?"

"Why? What's wrong with the one in front of you?"

"Well, um…it's…."

Auron leaned down from his chocobo, his scarred face coming even with Tidus', and said in a low voice that promised all sorts of Terrible Things that would happen to him if he did not comply "Get. On. The. Chocobo!"

Auron scowled as Tidus blinked and shriveled beneath the burning gaze of the single eye. _Look at those wrinkles! _ Tidus thought as Auron turned away _Woah! Check out the size of that booger! It looks like a___Ooooowwwww! Kimahri, at a signal from Auron, hoisted Tidus up by his suspenders, giving him a Ronso Wedgie, and dropped him onto his chocobo. "Hey!" Tidus squeaked, shifting in a vain attempt to dislodge the wedgie without actually having to use his hands. "That was a cheap shot!"

Auron answered with an amused snort. "At least I didn't pull them down." Before Tidus could form a reply, Auron kicked his chocobo into a run, leaving the others to follow or not as they chose.

Tidus sulked as they walked along at an easy pace, he occasionally scowled at Auron's back as he mentally went over his long list of grievances suffered at the hands of the veteran guardian. Of all of them, the Temple Pantsing was still the most painfully embarrassing one. So far, all of Auron's attempts at revenge for the dunking he received at the Spring had turned to Tidus' advantage. He decided that Auron was way overdue for a lump sum of revenge. He began plotting as the party moved along the road, chatting and laughing. _Rikku would help me. _Tidus thought _She wouldn't pass up the opportunity for a prank. I'll bet she has tons of experience with practical jokes. She does have a brother after all._ An evil grin split his face.

"What's wrong, Auron?" Yuna asked, guiding her chocobo away from Wakka and Rikku, who were teasing Kimahri. Poor Kimahri stood head and shoulders above most grown men, and was almost too big to ride the chocobo. His feet nearly dragging the ground, he was enduring the jokes and comments pertaining to long legs and big feet with the patience of the mountains themselves.

"Nothing," Auron replied calmly, though he would have rather shouted _The boy is too quiet. He's up to something!_ Oblivious, Yuna smiled and let it drop. Auron brooded all the way to the Travel Agency. Tidus was making him extremely suspicious. Every time Auron turned around, Tidus was talking to Rikku, which in itself was nothing out of the ordinary. What made Auron nervous was that Tidus was speaking to Rikku in an unusually involved manner. Almost as if he were plotting something secret.

"Race you to the Agency!" Tidus shouted at Wakka as his chocobo streaked by, leaving Wakka in the dust. Wakka sputtered and coughed, and sent his own mount racing after him.

"It begins." Lulu sighed, but without, Auron noticed, her usual venom. Did he detect a quiver of amusement in the black mage's voice? Yep. Lulu was finally warming up to the stranger from Zanarkand. The party caught up with Wakka, who had stopped his chocobo just around the corner. The blitz ball captain was shaking his fist and cursing at Tidus, who was standing on his chocobo in the middle of the bridge putting his Provoke ability to good use.

Yuna, Rikku, and Lulu laughed as Tidus answered Wakka's curses by bending over and slapping his backside. They laughed even harder when Auron lobbed Wakka's blitz ball right at Tidus. The ball pegged the blond in the rear with a sound like, well, like a hollow object hitting a backside. Tidus toppled from the chocobo with an indignant squeak and sat up, spitting out grass while his chocobo stood beside him looking embarrassed at having lost its rider.

_Strike three, Auron, _Tidus thought as he rose, dusting himself off and glaring balefully at Auron as the Guardian rode by. He caught Rikku's eye as the Al Bhed girl rode nearer. "Rikku," He said as the rest of the group crossed the last bridge "It's time for a little payback."


	7. Mi'ihen Travel Agency

**Mi'ihen Highroad**- Rin's Travel Agency- It is early morning, the sun is just rising after a long night.

Auron rolled over sleepily, burrowing further under the blankets. The vague sense that something was wrong nagged at the back of his mind. He mentally went over the night's events, hoping for some clue. After returning the chocobos, Yuna and Company had spent a few comfortable hours together over a nice hot dinner, courtesy of Rin.

Auron reviewed the various conversations that had taken place, but there was nothing out of the ordinary. He found no veiled threats, implications or insults. Lulu had talked with Wakka and Yuna about past adventures while Kimahri listened mutely, occasionally baring his fangs in a spine quivering grin. They had poked fun at each other in a good-natured fashion, and everyone had a chance to laugh at themselves. Some had more to laugh at than others. Rikku had spent most of the time admiring a machina doing guard duty in the corner. This was nothing noteworthy; Rikku was always examining machina and had taken it upon herself to explain their mechanics to Tidus, who took it all in stride.

Auron heaved a mental sigh. He found no hint of mischief, to the best of his recollection. Tidus had behaved himself, which that in itself was disturbing. Something was definitely wrong. He had acted so…_normal_. Tidus was rarely so well behaved…_Calm down, _Auron admonished himself as he rolled to a more comfortable position and began sinking back into the fuzzy warmth of sleep _The little Spoor is just messing with you. Have to keep your guard up…_

Auron was awakened by the sound of his door being forcefully thrown open with no concern for his privacy. "FIENDS!" Tidus shrieked at the top of his lungs as he fell into the room and crawled at a surprising speed to Auron's bedside. Auron was momentarily taken aback by the sight. For just a moment, the boy had looked like some prehistoric bug one would find in a cave. It was more than a little creepy this early in the morning.

"Fiends, Auron!" Tidus gasped, wild-eyed as he clung to the side of the mattress with a desperation that Auron had seen it only once before: When Tidus had fought Kimahri…for the last cookie in his pack.

Auron sat up slowly, suspicion in his dark eye as the boy babbled on about fiends attacking. A scream rose above the babble as Rikku flew down the hall, pausing just in the doorway to scream "Fiends!" before racing away. Auron's eye narrowed as Tidus screamed at him and pulled at his clothing. Auron's suspicions were quelled when he heard Rikku run down the hall, pounding on doors and rousing the rest of the party, her voice rising in near panic.

Auron shoved Tidus aside and ran from the room, sword in hand, pushing Wakka and Kimahri out of his way. He raced out the front door and suddenly found himself hanging upside down with his pants being ripped off by a machinathe same one Rikku had been admiring the night beforewhich promptly ran down the road in a cloud of dust, Auron's pants trailing from one of its arms.

Auron snarled and tried to cover himself with the loose ends of his coat while Tidus smirked and nodded to a second machina which was standing to one side, silently recording the moment on a sphere. Tidus had spared no expense; the sphere was a rare one of top quality, and quite expensive. The boy smiled through Auron's curses and gave a giggling Rikku a congratulatory pat on the back before pointing at Aruon and giving the older guardian a look that was unmistakably clear: 'Up yours!'

The machina continued to record as Wakka and the others stumbled out of the Agency ready for battle with a horrible, ferocious fiend, and encountered instead, something almost as terrifying: a very unhappy, half-naked Auron.

Wakka roared with laughter right alongside Kimahri, which in itself was frightening since the Ronso warrior never laughed. At least not out loud. Yuna gasped and hid her face while the Black Mage averted her gaze, but Auron was sure he saw a smile on her lips. Using his sword, he cut the rope holding his ankle, and dropped to the ground, folding his coat tightly around himself and marching back inside.

"Yevon, what was that?" Yuna asked as the door slammed. She looked to Tidus, as if she knew who was behind it all. Smiling proudly, Tidus did a little victory dance with Rikku, while Wakka laughed and sang his praises. "I just pranked the Stiff!" he crowed, giving Wakka a high-five, not noticing Yuna's slight frown.

"That was mean, you know," Yuna said, turning on her heel and going back inside, Kimahri at her heels. He paused in the doorway and gave Tidus a thumbs-up.

"You really should give that one a name, brudda," Wakka laughed as he slapped the boy on the back " Because that's one for the history books, ya?"

Tidus thought for a moment, then his face lit up with inspiration. "Hey! How about 'The Sublimely Magnificent!'

"_No_!" They all shouted in unison.

Later, Rikku, Lulu and Yuna walked brusquely ahead of the party, noses in the air. Somehow, Tidus had managed to offend them. Maybe it was the way he giggled every time someone said 'knockers'. Then again, it could have been the belch. Or the backwards belch. Well, however he had managed to do it, he had done it. Now the 'X's were not on speaking terms with the 'Y's. And the 'Y's were not on speaking terms with _him_. He plodded along in the space between X and Y, hoping that one of the two groups would forgive him before they reached Luca. He was hungry, and someone needed buy his lunch for him.

Wakka gave Auron a poke in the ribs with his elbow and nodded to Tidus. "I think he's lost it." He commented to the older guardian. Tidus was currently talking to himself (mostly complaining about the Old Guy. What he was saying about him was not very complimentary.) and would occasionally giggle. The 'Y's watched in amusement as Tidus (who technically now fell outside the alphabet) attempted to get back in the good graces of the 'X's. He wheedled, begged and pleaded. He even went so far as to crawl along behind Yuna whimpering like a puppy, then grab hold of her leg. He looked up at her with the biggest, dewiest eyes he could manage and stuck out his bottom lip, allowing it to tremble just a bit. It worked, to the 'Y's' astonishment.

Auron grunted "Thus the boy leaves the 'Y's to become an 'X'".

Wakka snorted and cupping his hands around his mouth shouted "TIDUSSSS! You '_X_'!"


	8. Luca

**Luca - **It is mid afternoon. Yuna and her guardians are just coming down the stairs from the city limits.

"So," Tidus said as he danced down the stairs. Still sulking, Auron wished he would do them all a favor and break his neck.

"When do we eat? I'm _starving_!" Tidus continued, oblivious to Auron's dark thoughts. "I could do with a victory lunch." he added with a wink at Rikku, who laughed and skipped along beside him. Auron scowled, but nodded to Yuna and Kimahri, who had looked to him for a decision. It would not be so bad, he decided. Maybe Tidus would choke on his stupid 'victory' lunch.

"This place brings back memories." Kimahri said in a satisfied rumble. His lips peeled back in a fearsome grin as he recalled the feel of his fist smashing into his clansmen's hairy face.

"That was some fight." Tidus agreed as he speared a piece of meat and took a bite, chewing with is mouth open. He wiped his hands on his pants stabbed a second piece. "This chocobo is great!" he added.

"Must you eat with your sword?" Lulu inquired archly, her lip curling in irritation. "People are staring."

"I like my sword." Tidus replied. His voice took on a childish whine as he looked at Rikku and added "Besides, Rikku is using _her _weapon."

Rikku whipped her arm under the table with a sheepish grin and contrived to look as cute as possible. (All cute, perky girls possess this ability, to greater or lesser degrees. It's handy for avoiding instances of anger, wrath, rage, and numerous other dangerous emotions they may find themselves on the receiving end of) "Well, you know, us kids learn by example." she said "Anyway, Kimahri is eating with his _hands."_

Kimahri frowned as Yuna covered a smile with one hand. "Kimahri is Ronso. Ronso use claws and fangs for everything. Keeps them sharp." he rumbled, tearing his meat into more manageable pieces.

"That's a Ronso for you." Wakka laughed as he stuffed a chunk of potato into his mouth and chewed. Lulu looked away in disgust and concentrated on her own plate. "At least _some_ of us have manners." she commented, glancing at Auron and Yuna.

"Hey, I have manners, Lu!" Wakka retorted defensively around a mouthful of chocobo. Lulu made a derisive sound and looked at Tidus, who was still eating with his sword. "Yes, and they rival those of a two-year old."

After lunch, the party moved on, heading towards the docks to catch a boat to Kilika. _Oh no, he's talking again!_ Auron thought with a mental groan as the Sin Spawn (SinJecht, and TidusJecht's Spawn, thus Spawn of JechtSpawn of Sin.) began asking Kimahri where he kept his Items. The blue Ronso gave Auron a long suffering look and shook his head mutely at Tidus. They turned left, heading to the number 2 dock, looking for the familiar sails of the S.S. Winno.

"Come on, Kimahri, I want to know!" he begged, poking at him in an attempt to annoy him into speaking. "I get where everyone else keeps them. Rikku and Wakka keep them in pouches, Auron keeps them in his coat, and Yuna and Lulu keep them…well, you know. (insert immature giggle) But where do _you_ keep them?"

Kimahri growled " Kimahri keep them where they are safe." Tidus rolled his eyes and said "Gimme a break! Every time I see you reach for something in a battle, you reach behind yourself and it appears. It's like you just pull it out of your butt, or something."

With the speed of a striking viper, the Ronso hauled Tidus up by his shirt front, bringing him eye to fangs. "Little one really wants to know? Kimahri will teach." he threatened.

Tidus decided that he really did not want to know that badly. "Oh, look! I think the boat is ready to leave!" he squeaked.

Yuna laid her hand on Kimahri's arm. "Are you coming Kimahri?" she asked, winking at Tidus. "I'm ready to board, and I need you beside me, incase I trip, or that creepy little man over there comes too close."

Scowling at the poor man mending a sail, the Ronso dropped Tidus and boarded first, keeping Yuna close. "Nicely done." Lulu murmured as she fell into step behind Yuna, the others following behind.


	9. SS Winno

**S.S. Winno **- It is evening, Wakka and Tidus have discovered a trio of crazy old men in the Guest Quarters. They have something that Tidus really wants.

"Look, Yuna, isn't it great?" Tidus asked, pointing at the sword a wizened old man was holding. The broad blade was as black as night, its shiny surface adorned with small, comet like swirls. The cross guards were silver, and its hilt was wrapped in black leather, with a silver knob on the end that was inscribed with a water dragon.

"It is a beautiful sword, and well-made, too." Yuna agreed. Wakka snorted and turned to the Summoner. "Beautiful? It's _cool _, ya?"

"You got that right!" Tidus replied. "I wonder if he'll sell it to me. Come on." He pulled Yuna along as he trotted over to the old man and his two companions, who sat on the floor conversing.

"That's a nice sword you got there," Tidus began, joining them on the floor. The old men regarded him suspiciously; the young people these days were tricky, and unscrupulous. They wouldn't hesitate to knock you down, steal your money, your shoes, _and_ your dog, then turn around and try to sell them back to you at jacked up prices. The old man griped the sword tighter. Yuna stepped in, seeing that Tidus had the tact of a falling brick. "Excuse me good sirs," she said politely, doing a quick blessing. "But my friend would like to inquire as to whether that sword is for sale."

Tidus and Wakka held their breaths as the old men put their heads together and mumbled amongst themselves. One looked at them and worked his toothless gums for a long moment. Tidus did not like the look of the old prunes. Old people were crafty creatures. They mumbled about you behind your back, they all had the Evil Squint, they made strange noises, you had to yell for them to hear you, and they smelled funny. These ones looked crazy on top of all that.

"We have decided," and old man dressed in red croaked. "That yes, the sword is for sale,"

"_Yes_!" Tidus and Wakka hissed in unison.

"But,"

"But?"

"Butt?"

"No, But."

"Who has no butt?"

"No," Wakka said patiently as the old man's mind wandered down the hall and out the door. "About the sword, how much gil do you want for it?"

"Uh, Wakka," Tidus hissed his voice tight with alarm "We're short on gil."

"How short?"

"A lot short. All we have is 75, and that sword is worth at least 2279!"

"Gil!" The old man cried in amusement. "Dear boy, we don't want gil!"

"We don't?" The old man holding the sword asked.

"No, we don't." the red clothed one snapped.

"I say, could you repeat that?"

"I said, No!"

"What?"

"NO!"

"Oh. Did you hear that, young man? We don't want your gil!"

"Your pardon, sirs," Yuna once again stepped in with a reassuring glance at Wakka and Tidus, who both wore long faces. "Are you wanting to trade something for the sword?"

"Yes." the old man in red replied. He seemed to be the spokesperson for the group. "Yes young Lady, a trade it is."

"I've got this really neat sword we could trade with." Tidus offered, brining out Caladblog. Wakka's eyes widened in alarm and he made a strangled sound.

"What?" Tidus replied defensivly.

"That's your Legendary Weapon! What's wrong with you?"

"Relax. It has No AP. I never found the Sun Sigil." Tidus whispered.

"No. We don't want a sword for a sword. We want something…bigger."

Wakka rubbed his hands through his hair, patience wearing thinner than Shiva's cloak. "What do you want?"

The three old men huddled together in deep, heated discussion. Tidus and Wakka stood impatiently through the wheezing, hacking, and other less flattering old man noises.

"We have decided." Croaked the old man in red as he and his companions shuffled forward, stiffly jerking their knobby limbs along.

"What are we going to trade for?" Tidus piped up eagerly. The old man holding the sword gave him one of those silly gummy grins. Tidus got the feeling that the old guy was a few players short of a blitz ball team. The old man cackled a little as he sidled up to Wakka and Tidus, fixing them with one filmy eye. The old man, after glancing at his companions who waved him on, hacked and straightened his hunched spine.

" We will trade you this sword for the moon."

"The _moon_!"

"What? Did I stutter young man?" The elder wheezed at Tidus, who stood gape-mouthed.

"We want the moon."

"Why?" Tidus asked in shock.

The old men glanced at each other, and Tidus became aware that all reason had given up limping gamely along side insanity long ago. The ring leader replied "Because a goddess lives on it, and we wants to…get to know her real good." he winked at Tidus and Wakka. They suddenly felt sick.

"I'm sorry, sirs," Yuna said politely "But that is impossible. There is no way to give you the moon. Not even a Summoner can command the moon."

Yuna continued respectfully arguing with the shuffling, mumbling trio, while Tidus started thinking. "Wakka, I want that sword!" he said in a crazed whisper, clutching Wakka's shirt-front. "There has to be a way to get it."

"These old men are tricky, and crazy, ya? How we gonna get the sword? Last time I checked, we didn't have a moon in our inventory, brudda."

"We just have to outsmart them." Tidus said, "Now shut up and let me think!" He stood in silence, neural pathways firing like a psycho with a machine gun. Random ideas streaked through his head, most falling into obscurity as they were discarded. Finally, one made it through the spaghetti ball of his mind and sat atop the pile of discarded ideas like a big mental meat ball, still steaming with the heat of creation.

"Hey, old geezers!"

Forgetting about Yuna, and the argument, the crusty trio turned to squint at Tidus. The boy looked the old men in the eyes and grinned triumphantly. Auron, along with the remaining guardians, decided to walk in right then, wondering where the trouble-makers had gotten too. They found out, and wished they had not.

"Here's your moon!" Tidus yelled, spinning around and yanking his pants down. The two motions were so perfectly executed that they appeared to be one move, and gave the old men and Tidus' own companions no time for thought. When the mental mushroom cloud cleared, their minds were a wasteland more desolate than the depths of the farplane. The mental silence was so still that the first dazed thought to evolve from the mass extinction roared from Auron's head and echoed through the heads of the two groups. After a long pause their brains re-organized their hemispheres and the traffic jam in their ocular nerves finally made it to the occipital lobe. Yuna uttered a belated gasp of horror.

"What'da ya think about that!" Tidus sneered, unaware of the mental destruction he had caused. The old men squinted at Tidus backside then turned to each other and began murmuring and gesturing at each other. Tidus took the time to pull up his pants and give Wakka a confident grin. Wakka glanced wide-eyed from Lulu to Tidus, unsure of how to react. Rikku giggled nervously until she caught and eyeful of Auron's murderous frown. Kimahri remained unmoved, or shocked senseless. It was hard to tell with him.

The old men ended their discussion and turned to Tidus. The ringleader stroked his grizzled chin and cleared his phlemy throat.

"You have yourself a trade young man." The wrinkled old man with the sword said with a grin, holding out a trembling hand. Tidus grasped the hand, which felt like a sock full of dice, and gave it a hearty shake, causing the old man to shake like an old skeleton.

"Here you go, young man." The ringleader creaked as he handed over the sword. "My Precious!" Tidus said as he took it reverently, then held it up for everyone to see. Wakka grabbed Rikku by the hands and swung her in a circle while he laughed triumphantly.

"What is it called?" Tidus asked as his companions crowded around to look at the obsidian blade.

"It is called 'Moon Cleaver'.

"Moon Cleaver!"

"Yep. We _were _gonna call it 'Crack Splitter'."

Tidus thanked the men and made his escape. Once Yuna and the remaining guardians were gone, the old man who had said barely a word during the whole affair, pulled out a sphere from the recesses of his cloak. "Did you get that?" the red clad elder asked. The other man replied with a toothless gape-grin, and held up the sphere. I also gots the one that man gave me. You know, the one from the Blessing? He even paid me 2,000gil to make copies of it."

"That's one backside the lasses in Luca will pay out the nose to have a sphere of." he cackled. "We'll be raking in the gil in no time."

This goes to show that crazy old men are a lot smarter than we give them credit for. And not as innocent as they seem.


	10. Kilika

**Kilika** - The S.S. Liki is scheduled to arrive in two days, so Yuna and Company have no choice but to spend the night at the local inn.

At dinner, Tidus was mercilessly teased about his new sword. Wakka was the instigator, with Auron adding fuel with his seemingly innocent comments. "Tidus," Lulu, silent during the whole meal, suddenly spoke up. "You aren't going to eat with your new sword?" This brought on a bout of laughter from everyone, even Kimahri.

Tidus grumbled, but kept his eyes on his plate. Maybe if he ignored them, they shut up. Luckily, Wakka came to his rescue. "That was pure genius, brudda; The way you tricked those old coots! 'Here's your Moon!'".

Tidus grinned at the memory. He climbed up on his chair and turned around. He pulled his pants down, in the middle of the dining hall, and asked "Which do you prefer: Full moon, or Half?"

Wakka roared and pounded on the table, then stood on his own chair. "Look! Full moon, half-moon!" the two of them began mooning the table with varying degrees of 'fullness'. The two moons set in record time when Auron picked up a table dagger and threatened to 'Cleave both Moons'. Kimahri had to be magically restrained to prevent him from trying to salvage Yuna's social image, mainly by tearing Wakka and Tidus to pieces.

You _are_ judged by the company you keep, after all.

Later, after being banished to his guest room, ( 'Go to your room, young man!' had been Auron's exact words.) Tidus mentally went over his list of grievances. Auron was such a stiff. You were not supposed to talk, which was nearly impossible with a group of teens, and women. No one was supposed to do anything spontaneous, Yevon May I, Road Bingo, Tower Count, Yevon Says, and word games were forbidden, along with fun in general. Giraffe was the only game allowed, which was down right boring. The only other game was Auron's favorite : Make fun of Tidus. Although for Auron, it was not just a game, it was a way of life. _Send me to my room, will you? I'll show you! _

A soft scrape in the hallway woke Tidus from his unintentional doze. He sat up, putting on a stubborn scowl, and looked up just in time to see Auron fade through his room door.

A shrill, feminine scream split the air, bringing Kimahri charging down the hall. Wakka, also having heard the scream, stepped hastily back through his door way barely in time to avoid the thundering streak of claws and fangs that flew by. Kimahri snarled as he realized that the scream had come, not from Yuna's room, but from Tidus'. What was Yuna doing in the boy's room? All sorts of dishonorable possibilities came to mind. Rounding the corner at full speed, Kimahri dug all four sets of claws into the wood floor and skittered to a halt facing Tidus' door. By now, Lulu and Wakka were right behind the hulking Ronso as he threw the door open and charged in.

Kimahri's roar of challenge fizzled down to a grunt of pain. His dramatic entrance elicited another shrill scream, this one high enough in pitch to hurt his sensitive ears. The Ronso was confused. Yuna was not here, only Auron and Tidus, the latter of which was doing what appeared to be a clumsy imitation of a Sending done at record breaking speed.

"Was that Tidus?" Wakka asked, crowding into the room along with Lulu, Rikku, and Yuna.

"Yes!" Auron gasped between breaths. He was laughing so hard, he was having trouble keeping himself together. Lulu and Wakka laughed just as hard, while Yuna and Rikku stood there looking confused with Kimahri.

"You (insert preferred curse word(s))! Don't you _ever_ do that to me again!" Tidus howled as Auron gained control of himself once more and stood there calmly as if nothing had happened. "Did you know you scream like a woman?" he asked, picking an imaginary speck of lint off his coat.

Tidus sputtered and glared, then told Auron where to go. Auron in return, told him where he could put his new sword. Yuna, stepping in before things could reach apocalyptic proportions, suggested that everyone go back to bed.

The second day passed much more smoothly. The prank war between Auron and Tidus seemed to have been forgotten, for the moment at least. Of course, a few freak accidents did happen from time to time. Like a bucket of water falling on Auron as he walked into his room. Then there was the time Auron came in to discover that all of the furniture in his room had been nailed to the ceiling, along with an estimate (left by the Agency staff) for the cost of getting it all down. There was also that accidental misplacement of a cup of dried peas. (Which mysteriously ended up under the sheets of Tidus's bed)

Yuna finally put a stop to the whole thing, by outright telling Tidus to knock it off. So, when S.S. Liki pulled into port, a happier, if somewhat more bored group boarded the ship for the last leg of their journey home.


	11. SS Liki

**S.S. Liki **- Early morning. Everyone is in good spirits on account of their heading home.

Tidus jumped out from behind the engine room with a ferocious 'Boooo!' that quickly became an 'Eeep!' as he grabbed not Rikku, but Lulu, or more specifically Lulu's chest. Tidus quailed beneath the mage's burning gaze of doom. He could have sworn he had seen the Al Bhed girl coming this way. Seeing as she did not have much to grab, she was a safe playmate.

Lulu snarled. Tidus was not one hundred percent sure, but the thought he popped one. "I swear, I thought you were Rikku!" he sputtered an apology as the mage raised her arm threateningly. "Yeah, and I'm sure you thought I was Rikku when I caught you scanning my horizon with that shiphand's binoculars."

"I-I'm sorry!" He stuttered. Before Lulu could say anything more, Tidus took the chance that she would fry him at any minute and ran for it.

"Pervert!" Lulu muttered as she tried to adjust the bust line of her dress for maximum coverage.

Tidus sought shelter from the storm of Lulu's anger on the observation deck. He was just deciding how he was going to get back in the Black Mage's good graces, when Yuna, Rikku, and Wakka came up. Tidus sat up from his thinking pose, which looked a lot like his sleeping pose, and greeted them sullenly.

"Hey, I saw Lulu, and she looked pretty angry. I feel sorry for person whose on the receiving end of her revenge, ya?" Wakka said as he sat down across from Tidus and began munching on a handful of peanuts. The boy looked at the Auroch's Captain, and said "That would be me."

"Tidus, what did you do to make her so mad?" Yuna asked, sitting near him. Tidus rubbed the back of his head and muttered "I accidentally grabbed her knockers. Not that it's all that hard not to. Not with knockers that big. They're like, right there all the time." he attempted to lighten the mood. " I was gonna jump out at Rikku and shout 'Boo!', only, it wasn't Rikku who came around the corner." he explained quickly as his friends gave him various looks ranging from shock to disbelief.

"Um," Rikku asked "Tidus, what are 'knockers'?"

Tidus gulped. "Um, well," he began, trying to think of an easy way to explain with the least amount of discomfort all around. "Knockers are…they're," he did some vague pantomiming, becoming more uncomfortable with every passing second. It was hard to explain such a sensitive topic with so many eyes on him. Granted, there were only three pairs, but that was three too many.

"Boobs!" Wakka exclaimed "That's what knockers are."

"So that's what you Spirans call them." Tidus said, blushing furiously. Rikku giggled, remembering the echoes in Mushroom Rock Road.

"Well, I'll speak to Lulu," Yuna offered as she rose "But for now, I suggest that you avoid her."

"Will do. No problem there." Tidus sighed, consigning himself to a dull, uneventful trip.

Tidus' dark mood lifted later that day, and he joined Wakka in a game of cards. Auron joined in as well, to show the less experienced players how the game was played. He blew them away with his strategies, and luck. Tidus secretly suspected that he was cheating, but darned if he knew how. He decided to make up his own strategy.

A few hours later, Tidus and Wakka were down to their last few gil. In the next round they managed to win back a lousy 15 gil, but it was not enough to make much of a difference. Auron smiled behind his collar as Tidus licked dry lips and, with a nervous glance at Wakka, who shrugged, bet all or nothing. The cards were dealt, and Auron came up with a good hand. He saw Tidus' face take on an intensely frustrated look before he remembered to keep it blank. Wakka scratched his head and looked downcast, but discarded a card and took another, stubbornly hoping that he could make a good hand. Tidus looked desperate. He discarded two cards and replaced them with two more while the Unsent guardian held his breath. Tidus looked desperate, as if he were trying to make something out of nothing.

Auron laid down his hand: thee spheres, and two towers. A good hand that would be hard to beat. Wakka had a whole lot of nothing, and Tidus began to fidget. He laid down his cards, revealing a Grand Castle. Auron stared, dumbfounded. The boy had somehow gotten the rarest hand one could ever hope to get.

Tidus and Wakka walked out of the Guest Quarters one thousand, seven hundred and thirty five gil richer. "So much for experience." Tidus said, and the two headed to the deck, laughing and planning what they would do with the money.

Up on the deck, Tidus climbed the mast and squinted at the horizon, looking at the rapidly growing mass on the horizon that was Besaid Island. He slid down, getting only a few splinters, which he made a big deal about while Yuna tried to pull them out.

"Hey, Tidus," Wakka said as Yuna pulled the last sliver of wood from his palm. "I've been dying to know how you beat Auron."

"Oh," Tidus replied, reaching into his pocket and pulling out Auron's glasses (Which he had swiped using his Steal ability while Auron was not looking) and tossing them to Wakka. "I just looked at the reflection in his glasses. And I also picked up more than one card at a time when I drew from the pile. Plus, I had a few put away."

Wakka and Yuna laughed as Tidus stood there looking proud of himself. Wakka put the glasses on and did a few less than flattering impersonations. He was just getting warmed up when his audience stopped laughing. "He's standing right behind, isn't he?" he asked, not turning around. Tidus and Yuna both nodded.

"Well, I've got to get my things packed and ready." Yuna announced turning and fleeing below deck. Tidus followed with a "Yeah, uh, me too!" thrown hastily over his shoulder. Wakka found himself facing an angry Unsent warrior monk all alone. He did the only thing he could think of. "Um…Here's your glasses!" he tossed the smoky dark lenses at Auron and made a run for it.

A boot caught up with him just short of the upper deck stairs.


	12. BesaidWaterfall Way

**Besaid** - **Waterfall Way** - About five minutes later. Tidus is standing at the very edge of the road, putting his head under the waterfall.

"Don't you ever get tired of being wet?" Auron inquired irritably as Tidus let the water cascade down his back. "Knock it off, and get away from there! You're making the 'X's nervous." he added as the females gasped in fear when the boy leaned dangerously over the sheer drop at the edge of the road.

"Nope, I love the water." Tidus answered, completely ignoring the order. "There's nothing wrong with water. It's my friend." he said, sloshing over to walk beside the older guardian. "Phew! Maybe you should make friends with some water some time." he teased, taking a few steps away. "Here, let me introduce you!" he shook off, dog fashion, shedding water in all directions, then ran to walk beside Yuna, where he would be safe. He gasped, drawing in a breath that seemed to take in all the air in Spira with it.

The 'X's crowded around the young blitzer in concern as his hand flew to his left ear. "Tidus, what happened?" Yuna asked, thinking something terrible had happened to him. Her instincts were right on the gil, something terrible _had_ happened.

"My earring. I _lost _my earring!" Tidus howled, falling to all fours in the dirt, where he crawled around frantically searching for the lost bauble. He crawled back and forth along the road whimpering and muttering frantically to himself.

Before long, the girls (who understand the emotional trauma of loosing jewelry) were aiding in the search. When the earring was finally found, the search party rejoiced, crowding around a happy Tidus as he put it back in his ear. There was much jumping up and down, and Tidus did a lot of giggling. (It was the knockers, it was all about the knockers!)

Auron frowned and rolled his eye to Yevon, begging him to witness his suffering. Yevon was out at the moment, leaving him at the mercy of the Spawn of Sin. Auron decided that if he were ever Sent, he would be sure to give Jecht a piece of his mind, and maybe his boot…possibly his sword too. Auron consoled himself with the knowledge that Tidus would get what was coming to him before the journey's end. Auron would be reimbursed for all of his suffering at Tidu's hands! A laugh made the entire party stop and turn. It was a laugh that could have come from the throat of the devil himself. Or and insane old hermit. In this case it was coming from the throat of a grouchy Unsent guardian. Auron choked it off as Yuna and her sane guardians turned to him. They were all eyes.

Thinking quickly, he said "Sorry, I just thought of something funny." and quickly walked passed them, motioning for Kimahri to follow.


	13. BesaidAncient Road

**Besaid** - **Ancient Road **- Getting closer.

The talking started, again. Auron marveled at the way that just four people could make a noise level equal to that of a blitz ball stadium full of fans on game day. It had to be the girls. Boys were loud about things they found humorous, like body parts and various bodily functions (noises included),and objects that looked vaguely like body parts, where as girls were loud about _everything_. Girls' voices increased in volume in direct proportion to their happiness level. Therefore the happier they were, the louder they became. This is especially true when girls are talking about someone, which is why when you happen upon a pack of them (and _you_ happen to be the subject of conversation), they will fall instantly silent, sometimes giggle nervously, and desperately hope that you did not hear what they were saying. (Which in itself is an impossibility, since most of these kinds of conversations can be heard for a two block radius)

The happiness level was through the roof. Lulu had dropped back to walk with Auron, who was glad for the company. It was lonely being the only voice of reason. "We're almost home." Lulu commented, choosing her words carefully to keep the statement neutral. Auron could not tell if she was trying to comfort him, or if she was making excuses for the 'kids'.

"There's still time, and we are still next to the cliff. No one would find the bodies." she added, making the meaning crystal clear.

Auron chuckled into his collar as Lulu followed the ball of noises and guffaws under the ruins of the ancient machina standing guard over the road. "Think about it." she advised with a twisted smile.

He gave it some serious thought as the little knot of youth paused in its progress down the path. He heard a surprised whisper: "Auron? Are you serious?"

Four heads turned as one and regarded Auron for a moment. They stared at Auron.

Auron stared back.

Some one whispered, "You're right he does look good, for an old guy." The little group turned back around, its members giggling amongst themselves, then continued moving. He had only two choices, Yuna or Rikku, and he hoped to Yevon that it had not been Tidus. Auron didn't know whether to be flattered or insulted. They had said he was 'old' after all. On the other hand he was the legendary 'Sir Auron', and used to giggling adorers. He knew he shouldn't let the giggles bother him, but since Tidus was in the group the giggles could mean anything.

Auron caught Lulu's eye, and she backtracked to speak to him. "Stay here." he murmured. She obeyed. There had been something in Auron's voice that had promised a bit of amusement.

Auron watched with growing excitement as Tidus and his followers neared the rock with the Al Bhed writing on it. Tidus moved ahead to read it, while Yuna and Rikku paused in the shade to gossip amongst themselves (about Tidus, of course). Wakka sat down by one of the pillars to wait for Auron and Lulu to catch up. He looked around, idly wondering where Kimahri had gotten to. The Ronso had disappeared a while ago, probably to kill off the last member of an endangered species of plant. Plants die for two reasons : 1) they never evolved the ability to distinguish between liquids that are safe to drink, and those that are detrimental to their survival a.k.a 'Animal Water'. and 2) Plants lack the ability to simply 'get up and move' (Excluding Ochus and Madagoras, which are detrimental to the _offender's _survival).

Auron heard a quiet scrape on the pillar to his right as Tidus stepped back onto the road. He glanced up just in time to see Kimahri leap from his perch with a roar. It was quite an impressive sight. The big ronso dove right for Tidus, claws extened, dripping fangs bared in a snarl that sent Tidus' spine into a dead faint. His brain continued screaming orders to his spine with out success. Not having a functioning spine made it very difficult for the boy to do anything besides stagger ineffectually with out really getting anywhere. It had the same effect on his eyeballs, which attempted to make an escape on their own.

Tidus crumpled with a shriek as Kimahri landed on him. Ignoring the terrified gasps and protests from his companions (and Auron's chuckles), Kimahri leaned down and roared, saliva dripping into Tidus' face. Kimahri grinned evilly as Tidus' mouth attempted words while his brain had its back turned. The Ronso snapped his jaws inches from his face, drawing a satisfying 'meep' out of the boy. He got a good scream out of him too when he started gnawing on his throat.

Kimahir and Auron had been banished to the end to the line, where the words 'crybaby' were frequently muttered. Kimahri rumbled crossly as Tidus, who was ignoring them, turned around and did the classic Pull Down the Lower Eyelid While Sticking Out The Tongue face. The Ronso's fur stood on end and half strangled snarl escaped his throat. If looks could kill, Auron imagined that Tidus would be little more than a scrap of hair and skin being picked off the road of Kimahri's rage by a Zu. Oblivious to Auron's musings, Kimahri stomped along, still glaring. Tidus was at the front of the line with Wakka, goading him into doing the most ridiculous dance Spira had ever had the misfortune of seeing.

The dancing, if it could be called that, seemed to involve no coordination at all. It mainly consisted of wild motion of the arms and legs in various directions, the more ridiculous the better. Bobbing and twisting accompanied by outrageous sounds was also just as important.

What was even more absurd was how Yuna and Rikku were laughing. Girls were just so complicated.

Lulu watched, embarrassed for both of them. "You do know that _other_ people can see you, right?" she snapped. "And that other people can see _me_ standing in your vicinity?"

"Sure." Tidus said from the part of the dance that involved rolling and twisting on the ground.

Lulu stared, agog. "And you _don't_ care!"

"Nope."

Lulu joined Auron and Kimahri at the back of the procession just in the nick of time. Tidus began dragging his butt on the ground like a dog, or a cat that has a bad case of worms.

The dancing and noises lasted for some time afterwards, at which point it stopped. They passed the Promontory at dusk, pausing to pray before moving on down the Village Slope. Auron plodded along, waiting for the stupidity to start up again at any moment. When five minutes went by without a sound from Tidus, the older guardian risked a look. Tidus was ambling along, arm-in-arm with Yuna, in silence. The only sounds were the sounds of the world around him, and Rikku talking with Wakka.

Could it be? Auron wondered. Yes! YES! Tidus was finally running out of his boundless supply of energy. He was tired! Auron looked at the sky and praised Yevon, and took back everything bad he had ever said about him.


	14. Besaid Village

**Besiad** - **Village** - The village has been decorated with festive banners and streamers. A fire is burning merrily in the plaza, which is surrounded by tables of food ready to be devoured. A large, mysterious crate stands between two houses. Despite the festive air, the village is silent and empty.

The village was still and quiet. "Where is everyone?" Rikku asked in a small voice from where she stood using the wall as a shield. "Maybe they left?" Tidus hazarded, looking over his shoulder at the rest of the group. Shoulders lifted in helpless ignorance. They were all clumped together at the entrance to the village, using the theory that there was safety in numbers, and that you stood a better chance of surviving if you were in a group. What most people do not know is that by and large, this theory is incorrect. Traveling in large groups actually makes it easier for all kinds of Dangerous Things to find you, increases your chances of being eaten by said Things, and makes it easier for said Things to leave no evidence. It also makes it easier for Freak Accidents to leave no survivors.

"Some one should go make sure it's safefor Yunato go in." Auron said from behind Lulu. His eye darted from shadow to shadow, looking for fiends and other dangers. "Kimahri," he said.

Moments later, Tidus stumbled into the village with a yelp. He did a funny little dance as he tried to keep his feet, then froze, watching and listening. "Hey, guys," he whispered uncertainly, looking at the huddled shadow of his friends. They offered no help, except to flap their hands at him. He squinted and could just discern that they were motioning for him to take a closer look.

He screamed as a piece of paper skittered across his path and tangled in his feet. He screamed again as a mob of people burst out of hiding and attacked him with warcries of "Surprise!" and "Welcome home!"

Yuna was beside him suddenly, laughing and smiling as the villagers blinked at Tidus in confusion. "Your're not Lady Yuna!" an old woman accused. The people laughed and beckoned to the rest of the party (who were still hiding behind the wall.)

The people of Besaid swept Yuna away, asking her all kinds of questions about her journey. The fun and festivities lasted into the night. There was dancing, which Wakka tried to get Kimahri to do. He begged and pleaded, but the Ronso refused, at least until Yuna asked him to dance. He would do anything for Yuna, even his awkward Ronso dances, which involved hopping and skipping around the fire. There were contests of constitutional strength, to see who would eat what off the ground.

The score was currently one piece of beef :dipped in chili sauce, burnt to a crisp, licked by the entire blitz ball team, soaked in wine backwashed in by Keepa, smeared with vegetable matter of suspicious origin, rolled in dirt, chewed on by a village granny, pecked by a chocobo, and then stepped on by a Ronso

Yuna tried to get Tidus to dance with her, but his brain seemed to be having trouble communicating with his feet. It was like the two parts of him were speaking different languages. (Actually, his brain was not speaking to him.)

Yuna let him escape, suggesting that he get something to eat. Tidus was doing just that, when Auron found him. He was trying to get some food without losing any appendages. When it came to food, Wakka was a fierce competitor.

Seeing his nemesis approaching, Tidus tried to kick his brain awake. It muttered sleepily and ignored him. Tidus faced Auron alone. "Yuna and Rikku want you to help them tell the villagers about the journey." he said.

"Sure. Inna minute." Tidus muttered. He wondered briefly why he was holding a plate of food, then carefully set it down and watched numbly as it was looted by Wakka. "Less go." he said to Auron, and followed him to the little knot of bodies around Yuna and Rikku.

He yawned periodically, as the story was told. Most of it revolved around Tidus' exploits, and his snoring mind dimly registered the praise, but it was still not speaking to him. It was so upset with him for keeping it up past its bedtime, that just out of spite, it offered no warning of the impending danger.

"Tell them about the Temple Blessing. I'm sure everyone would love to hear about it."

Tidus stared at Auron for a moment, vaguely realizing that he had been set up. He briefly thought about pretending to be sleepwalking. Perhaps if he had been more awake (and on speaking terms with his brain) he might have been able to pull it off. He also might have been able to successfully pretend that he did not know what Auron was talking about.

"The Blessing was…well, um. It was…revealing. And, um…"

"He brought each of you a little souvenir." Auron interrupted, walking over to the mysterious crate squatting in the shadows. Tidus did not like the look of that crate. It had 'Your Butt Here' written all over it. Out of this simple box Auron withdrew the death of Tidus' social life. He pulled out a sphere. And then another. He began handing them out, one to each person. He even gave one to the other guardians. They looked so deceptively innocent, that at first Tidus thought nothing of them. The villagers said their good-nights, and retired for the remainder of the evening.

Confused, Tidus zombie-walked his way to his small dwelling next to Kimahri's. The Old Fart was up to something. The feeling that something was wrong increased to an almost painful level as ecstatic giggles, exclamations of shock and a few outright guffaws pierced the air. Tidus got the uncomfortable feeling that he had something to do with it, but for some reason he was not getting the warm fuzzy feeling he usually got when he brought a little amusement into someone's otherwise dull existence.

Yuna stopped Tidus as he was about to stumble into his tent. "Thank you for the gift." she said with a laugh as she stood on tiptoes to kiss his cheek (Kimahri growled disapprovingly, but was ignored). "It was thoughtful of you. Every time I look at it, I will remember this journey."

"You're welcome." Tidus said in confusion as she disappeared into her own tent. Tidus pushed through the curtain doing door duty and proceeded to leave a trail of clothes (starting with his shoes) leading to his bed.

"Bed." he sighed with a sleepy grin as he flopped down on the soft blankets. He groaned as something poked him uncomfortable in the back. He reached under himself and withdrew the offending object. It was a sphere, one of the ones Auron had handed out to everyone. He looked into it, wondering why that walking cadaver was so insistent that everyone should have one. He did not remember buying them at any time. If he had bought souvenirs, he would have bought one for Yuna and Rikku, and maybe Lulu.

Images swirled in the sphere; familiar images he had seen before. In fact he had been there when both events happened. Tidus' brain crowded over to see what was so interesting. _Look, the temple….The Temple__!_ He gasped as he realized he was watching a sphere of the Blessing, pantsing and all. And right on its tail came the whole 'Moon' incident. A message followed. An image of Auron swam into view and spoke.

_Tidus, _

_By the time you see this, it will probably be too late. By now, everyone in the village will have one, and they have probably watched it already. And of course plans to send copies to all the relatives will have been made. It's nothing personal, but by now, thousands of copies of this sphere have also been sold in Luca, among other places. Remember the three old men on the boat? Well, they were in on it too. I paid them to make copies, and add in your 'clever' solution to the Moon riddle. I think Jecht would be pleased to know that you are finally famous. Probably more famous than he was. Though, perhaps it's not quite the same kind of fame he had in mind for you. He always wanted you to have a view from the top._

_They say that everyone has their fifteen minutes of fame, and I'm certain that your fifteen minutes will last much, much longer. _

Tidus felt cold dread hit him like a shoopuf: Everyone in the village had one of these! Even the old women. He shuddered at the thought of little old ladies watching these spheres. Then, an even more terrible thought rose ponderously to the surface of his thoughts. It was like looking down into your glass to see a big greasy cockroach bobbing serenely on the surface. His stomach shriveled up as small as it could and tried to hide behind his spine as panic seized him. Yuna had one of those spheres!

Just as the realization hit him, a voice spoke from the darkness.

"Now, we are even."

Tidus jumped and stifled a scream as a face was illuminated by pyre flies. It was the most hideous thing he had ever seen. It was pale and slightly wrinkled, like fingers get when left in water for too long. One eye burned in its shadowy socket as the apparition laughed with the sound of a coffin closing.

Tidus fainted.

Auron stood in the middle of the house for a few moments, then walked away. He paused just before leaving, and stooped down to pick up Tidus' pants. After searching the pocket, he counted the gil he found. "One thousand, seven hundred, and forty. That's most of it." he said, putting the money in his coat. Then he walked out. "Welcome home."


End file.
